The Best Conversations Aren't Always With the Loudest Person in the Room

Turns out, avoiding eye contact with me is a terrible strategy. 😉

Last month, I had the opportunity to facilitate my Business Development Engine workshop at the SD CEO Women's Visionary Summit, and I've been reflecting on the experience ever since. I learned a few things about myself as a facilitator, but I also walked away thinking about the kinds of rooms I want to help create.

First, I absolutely feed off the energy of an audience. Give me laughter, participation, a few head nods and someone willing to talk back to me, and we're going to have some fun. This particular group was a little more reserved, which meant I had to work a little harder to create that energy rather than simply respond to it.

I actually started that process before the workshop officially began by asking people to move.

If they were sitting with people they already knew, I encouraged them to find a different seat and introduce themselves to someone new. We were about to spend an hour talking about business development, relationships and strategic connections, and it felt a little silly to do that while sitting comfortably beside the same people we already know.

You don't make new connections by only talking to familiar people.

Once we got into the workshop, I initially called on a few people I knew. I knew they'd play along, bring some levity and help me warm up the room. As we continued, I found myself drawn to the people who weren't raising their hands, particularly the ones avoiding eye contact, looking intently at their worksheets or seemingly trying to make themselves just a little smaller in their chairs.

Fair warning: apparently I have a radar for that. 😂And that's when some of the most meaningful conversations happened.

Some were newer business owners who were simply there to learn. Others were navigating challenges in their businesses or trying to figure out what their next step should be. Some needed connections. Once invited into the conversation, they had thoughtful things to contribute; they simply weren't going to be the first people to volunteer them.

It reminded me that engagement doesn't always look like a hand in the air.

The people most comfortable speaking aren't always the only people with something valuable to say, and the people who are quieter aren't necessarily disengaged. Sometimes they need an invitation. Sometimes they need to know there isn't a wrong answer. And sometimes they need someone to give them permission to say, "Here's where I'm stuck," "Here's what I need," or even, "I don't know yet."

Those are the rooms I want to be in.

Rooms where we're not competing to have the best answer or waiting for our turn to demonstrate what we know. I want rooms full of people willing to connect, collaborate and communicate. Once someone is willing to tell us what they need, we can start looking around the room and asking a much more useful question:

Who can help?

That's one of my favorite things about business development. It isn't about always having the answer yourself. Sometimes your greatest value is knowing someone who does. Sometimes it's making an introduction. Sometimes it's asking the question that helps someone clarify what they actually need in the first place.

Before everyone left, I asked them to set a goal for themselves, just as I set goals for myself. More importantly, I encouraged them to use some of the new relationships they'd made in that room to help hold them accountable.

Because making the connection is only the beginning.

What you do after the conversation, whether you follow up, stay curious, offer value, make the introduction or check back in three months to ask how that goal is coming along, that is where relationships begin to create momentum.

So, after reflecting on my first time facilitating this particular workshop, I've decided there are at least two things you should know if you ever find yourself in one of my rooms:

If you're sitting exclusively with people you already know, I may ask you to move.

And if you're trying really hard not to make eye contact with me...

I'm probably going to call on you. 😉

Not because I want to put you on the spot, but because I genuinely want to hear what you have to say.

And sometimes the person trying hardest to disappear into the room is exactly the person the rest of us need to hear from.

Want to create this kind of conversation with your group?

I facilitate interactive workshops designed to get people talking, connecting, and thinking differently about how relationships drive business growth. If your organization, association, or team could benefit from bringing this conversation into the room, I'd love to hear what you're working on.

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